Sunday, January 10, 2010


31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31


One of the most difficult things for me to do. I remember when I first found out I was carrying this little one I thought to myself "how am I going to WAIT 9 months to meet her?"
Now here I am with 5 weeks left & I'm no better at this waiting game then I was 8 & 1/2 months ago.

Part of the problem was that I tried to carry the burden by myself for such a long time. You may think, how can you consider carrying a child a burden??
Well, let me explain that statement. Carrying this precious cargo is difficult but certainly not a burden. It's all the emotions, thoughts, & feelings I chose to carry alone that are burdensome. The fears & concerns are too much for my heart. And for such a long time I didn't allow anyone to see my heart. Not even God. I was too frightened of my own feelings to share them.
And I mean to truly share, not just the simple "oh, I'm a little tense" but the real knock your socks off, lay you out on the floor, I'm gonna wail my eyes out type of fear.

That's where I've been for so long & it's easy to hide there. But as I get closer to meeting this sweet little girl face to face God reminded me that I needed to deal with these feelings.
And ya know, I always say He is a gentleman, He's not pushy.
But He is persuasive.
He loves me & won't just leave me wallowing in my pain, He will gently nudge me to be honest. So, I finally spoke to people & said "guess what? I'm a basket case, I'm NOT OK, I am afraid. Please help me"
Ya know what happened? They helped.
People now know what is going on inside my heart & are praying & offering support down to the littlest things like washing a load of baby clothes.

Actually, not so little to me.

As I thought about this waiting I have to do, waiting 9 more months, 35 more days, 840 more hours.
I remembered what God's word says, to HOPE in Him, to wait on Him, & in doing that I will find strength beyond measure.
So I see that what I NEED to do is keep my eyes on Him, to wait patiently, no matter how hard. I need to allow Him to give me the renewal I need daily.

And in His perfect timing I will meet my little girl, until then I will wait.