7 days

Boy, is it late. Can't sleep. I'm only 7 days away from meeting my sweet girl.
I wish I could say I'm up late because I'm so excited, but the truth is I'm up late because my mind is racing. Today, I went in for what is called a bio-physical ultrasound. The tech checks on a few things to make sure baby is doing well, heartbeat, breathing, movement, fluid. All this gets done within a 30 minute time slot. If my lil one does well, then she passes her "test" & we go on our merry way. Well, proud momma moment here, my little girl always passes with flying colors in less than 5 minutes!
What can I say? I'm a homeschooling mama, I'm serious about mu kiddos doin well on there exams =)
But today, she almost failed. We came to what I felt was too close to that 30 minute mark. Although her heart was beating just fine, she wouldn't move, in fact it took 20 minutes to get her to wake up. The whole time I lay there acting as though I was just fine when inside I was screaming. I kept thinking "is she dying? Why isn't she moving? what's wrong?"
My friend was with me & I thank God for her rub on the arm & her gentle calmness. It's just good to have someone keeping you anchored when you feel your about to drown.
We realized the pain meds I'm taking caused my lil one to be "sedated"
Even though I have a legitimate reason as to why she was so still & she is bouncing away as I type, it's so difficult to get that image out of my mind.
Her laying there.
Still.
It threw me back in time to seeing my Isaac & Hannah sleeping on that ultrasound screen.
It's not a good place to go in my mind, especially now.
I feel the need to get down they're memory box & REMEMBER.
I'm not sure if that's what I need to be doing right now though.
Of course, what I do know is I need to be praying & let me tell you today has been full of some hysterical praying.
Ya know the kind of prayers where only God Himself can understand your groaning.
That's the only place I find peace, in His arms.

I'm scared, nervous, unsure, & maybe just a little bit crazy.
But, God is steadfast, certain, consistent, & my protector.
I'm going to meet my little girl in 7 days.
I'm going to believe God for that.
I'm going to be strong & take heart, because my HOPE is in the Lord.