For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you HOPE & a future... Jeremiah 29:11
I want to share our story of Hope. I want to take you on this journey with me so you can share with us the awesomeness of God & this blessing of Hope.
I also want to remember every moment, every second. I want to savor them all.
February 9th, the day God restored our joy, the day He gave us Hope.
I was admitted to Rush Hospital on Monday February 8th & was induced late that night.
Honestly, I wasn't feelin what I'd expected I would. I had all these images in my mind. I really felt this delivery & it's process would be very mellow. With lots of joyful smiles & happy tears throughout.
Well, that wasn't happening. I was so tense & snippy. And I can't blame it on the pain. I was just being a big crab.
Thankfully I'm married to an awesome man who didn't take it personal!!
So what was my problem? I mean here we were at the end of the finish line. I shoulda been elated.
But the truth is, I was terrified.
I kept remembering my Isaac & Hannah.
My heart was breaking all over again.
Finally, I broke down & shared my heart with Dan. I just cried & cried. I missed Isaac & Hannah so much & being in that bed & waiting for our new baby reminded me of the last time I held my lil ones.
Isaac's sweet tiny little feet, his perfect little ears.
Hannah's beautiful little pout & her precious baby smell.
It was just getting to be more than I felt I could handle. But of course my God doesn't ever leave me. He never just lets me sit there in pain & anguish. He always comes to my rescue.
He reminded me of the above scripture, of Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you & not to harm you, plans to give you Hope & a future....
Do you know when Isaac died that was the scripture God spoke to Dan & I?
That scripture helped us survive our sons death. We clung to it as a child clings to his mother.
It kept us alive.
There were many times that the pain was so overwhelming & God always ran swiftly to us & carried us.
I remember when Dan & I went to church one Sunday & decided to go to the alter to pray. We were both so completely broken...shattered. This was shortly after Hannah died.
We were weeping & our pastor came & prayed with us. The pain was so unbearable & we truly didn't know if God was going to allow more children into our family.
As we were praying the worship team was singing this song, Freedom Reigns.
The lyrics rang out & penetrated our hearts...
Where the spirit of the Lord is
There is freedom,
If you're tired and you are thirsty
There is freedom.
Jesus reigns in this place
Showers of mercy and grace
Falling on ev'ry face
There is freedom
That day, Dan & I released so much of our pain, we lifted our eyes to heaven & our redeemer. We found freedom.
Now, we have Hope in more ways then one. We have the restoration that God promises & we have our daughter.
So let me get back to her, after I calmed down, prayed, & was able to focus, things did go much smoother. Dan & I joked & laughed. We even played cards. Nothing like a few games of old maid & go fish to get the party started!!
However my sweet babe was doing what all my girls do...refusing to come out of that nice & comfy cocoon!!
So as usual the doc had to get things rolling along.
And after one & half hours it was time to meet our little girl.
And yup, I started gettin nervous.
I mean you would think after delivering so many babies this would be quite simple but the truth is I felt like a new mama all over again. The nurse told me "well you've done this before so I'm sure you know how to push"
It was then that I let her know that all my babies have needed absolutely no assistance from Mommy & that I had no clue how to push!
This is where the seasoned nurse promptly allowed her jaw to drop & her eyes to bug out of her head. So, uh-huh, now I get more nervous as I begin to think my baby is going to get stuck because I, her wonderful mama, have no clue how to get her outta there!!!
Well, thankfully according to nurses & docs I'm pretty good at this pushing thing & baby is moving along.
However, after only one push I'm told to stop so we can wait for the attending physician.
Yeah, right.
I mean here there is a person trying to make their way into the world & I'm told to press the pause button.
So I start thinkin is this where I'm sposed to breathe?? Cuz I skipped the class.
So I look to Dan like a dear caught in the headlights, I mean I'm thinking if we don't let this little girl come out she's gonna pop right out my belly button. Just like Nomi said!!
But then I see Dan, I mean really see him. Past the fear & the nervousness.
And he's crying.
He's smiling...
He says to me "listen baby, do you hear what song is playing?"
It was the same song that was playing that day at church, freedom....
Suddenly, everything slowed down. I could feel Him...Jesus, HE was there. He was in the room, holding my hand, & the freedom of His mercy & grace filled my lungs.
Everything from that point was perfect. Our daughter was born & she came easily without any complications. She cried out & it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. They placed her on my chest & I couldn't kiss her enough. Dan & I wept tears of joy & praised God for her.
She even knew her Daddy. When they finally took her from me to clean her up some, she began to cry quite a bit. So her Daddy went over to her & started talking & singing just as he did when she was still in my tummy. She immediatly calmed down. It was the sweetest thing.
After a time the nurses took us to a private room where we stared at & just loved on this little girl. Dan stayed all day with us & we fussed over who got to hold her more.
We're still doing that =)
I really could go on & on about how wonderful & perfect she is. But I won't do that, just take a look at her picture & you'll see for yourself.
She is beautiful & amazing...our miracle.
At 11:56 am on February 9th, 2010 God gave us Hope...He gave us a future...
