30 Posts in 30 Days.......Day 23

Day 23 - a you tube video that makes you laugh.

Well this is easy because I just posted it yesterday on Facebook. I LOVE this video. I suppose technically it's a KIA commercial & not exclusively You Tube, but come on...it's hysterical =)
Especially for Dan & I cuz it's a throw back to our younger years, so much so that as I...eh hem "rapped" along my Angie looked a wee bit embarrassed for me. Oh well, I don't care, you're only young once right & I can relive my glory days from time to time even if it's vicariously through hip hop hamsters.
And with that I leave you with 3 words...DO DAH DIPPITY.

30 Posts in 30 Days....Day 18

Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding.

My wedding...well honestly. It wasn't what I thought it would be. Now, I love Dan & am happy to have married him but I didn't get my dream wedding. Nor did I fully understand the magnitude of my commitment before GOD. I wasn't a believer then so I was marrying Dan with all the right reasons by the worlds standards.
I'm afraid this sounds wrong, like I didn't want to get married. I did & consider it the best decision I've ever made. Dan is the only man on this earth who "gets" me or who will actually put up with me!!
But, we were married in the courthouse & I wore a dress that he liked but honestly I didn't like. We didn't have our own rings either so we used my parents who are now divorced. My sister couldn't make it in time & that made me sad because she's important to me. Plus I was so nervous the judge actually told me to "breathe"
So, I would very much like to have a renewal of vows.
I would like to be able to take the time to tell Dan what he means to me by writing my own vows. I would like to be a testimony to others of God in our marriage during the ceremony. I have LOTS of ideas which I can't write here because some of them are surprises for Dan & he reads this =)
But ultimately for a future wedding I want to invite God to be involved considering He wasn't the first time & I want the opportunity to tell Dan how wonderful he is in front of all our family & friends.
Now, I need to mention some wonderful memories I have of our wedding. My Angie who is now 15 but was 7 at the time was my Maid of Honor (I'm happy smiling right now)
My mommy made my bouquet & it was absolutely beautiful. And last but not least, I mentioned I was very VERY nervous. Well, I can remember as clear as a bell~ Dan....he was just sweetly smiling at me & holding my hands in his, & I thought "wow, he really loves me"

Day 15 & My Angel's Candles

Day 15 - what you like about your house.

What do I like??? Hmmmmm......
Well, we've only been here 3 weeks this upcoming Monday so I'm still discovering new things.
I suppose what I like the VERY MOST is we pay almost 500 bux less then the old place! Woo-hoo!
I also love that we have several awesome parks in walking distance, as well as an activity center & library.
And what do I absolutely positively love??
My sister who is my bestest bestie is 5 minutes away!! I mean I can run & get there in 60 seconds! Mind you if I do that my heart will probably explode as I fall over in a heap on her front step but none the less...I can do it if I want to =)
Well....maybe 120 seconds.

On another note, I didn't post yesterday because I was busy getting my home full of boxes somewhat organized for my "Wave Of Light" Remembrance Candle for Isaac & Hannah.
I needed to put some thought into what I wanted to express. This is my first time participating in the Wave of Light because I've always had a hard time with the candle thing. Growing up I would see candles with Saints on them & people would light them & pray about different circumstances. Deep inside me I didn't want God to think I was putting my babies before Him. So I had to work things out in my heart & do this right.
Glorifying Him & Him alone while remembering my children.

So, I set everything up.
Isaac's shadowbox & his bunny, & Hannah's photo & butterfly. I also had rose petals from their funerals. Their were a total of 6 candles, Isaac & Hannah shared the bigger one while their were 5 tea lights. One for my cousins daughter, my friends 3 Angels, & my big brother in Heaven.

Here is a photo of their candles.......

After we lit the candles I read from Job 1. I read to my girls of how everything Job owned was destroyed & then while still reeling from that disaster he was told all of his children were dead. He answered this terrible news with "Naked I come from my mother's womb, & naked I will depart. The LORD gave & the LORD has taken away, blessed be the name of the LORD. "
Job 1:21
I explained to them that the Lord is ALWAYS good & worthy of praise..even when circumstances tell us otherwise. We then sang "How Great is Our God" which is the song we sang at Isaac's funeral, that was very hard for me. I've sung that song many times since Isaac's death but last night for a moment I was back in that funeral home & it struck me like lightening.
After our time of praise Dan led us in prayer.
The ceremony was bittersweet & painful at times but overall it was healing for me & God was praised.

"You're the name above all names,

you are worthy of all praise

& my heart will sing~How Great Is MY God"

30 Posts in 30 Days....Day 13

Day 13 - a fictional book that is meaningful to you since your loss.

OK, this may seem silly to some. But the book that means a lot to me is titled "Love You Forever" written by Robert Munsch. I received it one Christmas from my aunt. At first I thought it was an accident, that she'd meant to give it to her daughter who had just had a boy that spring. I just had my 3rd girl.
You see, the book is about a mama & her son. Throughout the book the boy goes from baby to adult & you share the Mommy's thoughts of all the hair raising things he does~playing with toilet paper & destroying the bathroom, tracking mud on the floor, playing music loudly with his friends. But every night, Mommy crawls in his room as he's sleeping, right up to his bed, picks him up, rocks him, & whispers sweetly in his ear how much she loves him.
I always thought the book was cute, but wished the author wrote one for girls as well. I read it to my daughters & they thought it was cute & funny too. But it mostly sat on the bookshelf. But, one day after Isaac went to Heaven~I found it. I cried as I read it~thinking of my son & all I missed. However, the book has grown in my heart. I absolutely love reading it now, it doesn't hurt as much, in fact it's one of those sweet things that brings healing to my soul.
To my Isaac my wonderful perfect son "I love you forever, I love you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be"

30 Posts in 30 Days....Day 10

Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you and how it makes you feel seeing it now.

So here it is, my very old picture of myself. I'm the one in the red. This is waaaaay more than 10 years old. I was probably 6 or 7 in this pic. That means the year was about '80 or '81.
I really like this photo a lot. Mostly because I'm reminded of my Lana Bear.
Earlier today Angie (my oldest) grabbed a picture of me & said "come on Mommy, this is Lana's face" I told her "I just don't see the resemblance.
She thought I was bonkers. I thought about posting that pic because we have just recently moved & I have no clue where the photos are right now, but I managed to come across this one & thought "wow, this is Lan's face"
It makes me feel real good, because when I was a little girl I was teased often about my big smile. When I posed for a picture my whole face would smile & I suppose the adults in my life thought it was cute but their comments made me feel insecure. For many years I pasted on a fake smile & hoped people were satisfied. Just in the past 2 years or so I decided to go back to the biggest smile my face could produce. I want my kids to look at pics of me when I'm gone & see the "real mama" they remember.
But, I'm rambling, I see Lana in this picture because when she smiles her whole face lights up. She reminds me that being young is full of innocence & laughter, catching fireflies & counting stars.
The above picture reminds me that there were many smiles in my young life~even if among the hurts.
But I must add a pic of my Lana Bear~so you can see for yourself why her beautiful smile lights up my life.
Mama loves you my Gentle Little Flower =)