Day 22 - a website that has been meaningful since your loss.
The website that has meant so much to me is NILMDTS.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is a wonderful service provided to bereaved parents.
This is their mission statement~
To introduce remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with the free gift of professional portraiture. We believe these images serve as an important step in the family's healing process by honoring their child's legacy.
After Isaac & Hannah passed I was so torn up & alone, I felt no one understood what I was going through & didn't know who I could possibly talk to. I stumbled across NILMDTS & their Parent & Family Forum
There I found mothers grieving with me, they were interested in knowing my children. They cared about Isaac & Hannah!! They weren't afraid or awkward when I was angry. They were loving & nurturing when I was broken. I love these women, the friends I've made in this forum.
I wish I didn't need to know them nor they me. But I'm thankful to God that he blessed me with these precious people in my life.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Day 20 & Day 21
Day 20 - a hobby of yours and how it changed since your loss.
I can't say I have many hobbies, I really don't. I keep telling myself I need to get one, to have something for "me"
I hope to start scrap booking because I LOVE pics of my babies so we'll see bout that.
Day 21 - a recipe
OK, this is sooooo my thing. I love cooking, baking, eating!!
I used to be so afraid to step in the kitchen, my MIL is an amazing cook, I mean she just doesn't mess up. I was so insecure because when Dan & I first met I really only knew how to make a few things & he was always talking about how knock down drag out GOOD his mama's cooking was. So eventually I tried what she does.....I looked at a recipe.
One day she said to me "I'm just lucky cuz I can read a recipe"
At first I thought she was bein sarcastic (insert insecure Daughter in Law *here*) but then I realized she was serious. She meant just take a crack at the recipe & see what happens. Lo & behold it worked! I can cook!!
SOoooOOOOooo.....here's a few of my faves
I can't say I have many hobbies, I really don't. I keep telling myself I need to get one, to have something for "me"
I hope to start scrap booking because I LOVE pics of my babies so we'll see bout that.
Day 21 - a recipe
OK, this is sooooo my thing. I love cooking, baking, eating!!
I used to be so afraid to step in the kitchen, my MIL is an amazing cook, I mean she just doesn't mess up. I was so insecure because when Dan & I first met I really only knew how to make a few things & he was always talking about how knock down drag out GOOD his mama's cooking was. So eventually I tried what she does.....I looked at a recipe.
One day she said to me "I'm just lucky cuz I can read a recipe"
At first I thought she was bein sarcastic (insert insecure Daughter in Law *here*) but then I realized she was serious. She meant just take a crack at the recipe & see what happens. Lo & behold it worked! I can cook!!
SOoooOOOOooo.....here's a few of my faves
Monkey Bread~My kids love this on Sunday mornings
1 Pkg (3.5 oz) vanilla pudding mix
3/4 cup sugar
1 T Cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/2 melted butter
3 tubes (10 oz each) refrigerated buttermilk biscuits
Combine pudding, sugar, cinnamon, & pecans in Ziploc bag & mix together. Coat individual biscuits in melted butter then shake in pudding mixture. Place in bundt pan sprayed w/ cooking oil. Continue with all biscuits are in pan, Bake @ 350 for about 25 minutes. Allow to cool for 10 minutes then invert onto serving plate. Best served warm.
Slow Cooked Mac-n-Cheese (my family demands this at the holidays)
1 Pkg (16oz) elbow macaroni
1/2 cup stick butter, melted
2 eggs, beaten
1 can (12oz) evaporated milk
1 can (10 oz) Campbell's condensed Cheddar Cheese Soup
1 cup milk
$ cups shredded Cheddar cheese, divided
paprika
Cook macaroni according to pkg directions, drain. Place in a 5 quart slow cooker; add butter. In a bowl, combine the eggs, evaporated milk, soup, milk, & 3 cups cheese. Pour over macaroni, stir to combine. Cover & cook on low for 4 hours. Sprinkle w/ remaining cheese & some paprika. Cook 15 minutes longer or until cheese is melted.
*I always top w/ an extra stick of butter, sliced in pats*
Honestly, I could go on for a long long time posting recipe after recipe but it's late & now I'm hungry =)
1 Pkg (3.5 oz) vanilla pudding mix
3/4 cup sugar
1 T Cinnamon
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1/2 melted butter
3 tubes (10 oz each) refrigerated buttermilk biscuits
Combine pudding, sugar, cinnamon, & pecans in Ziploc bag & mix together. Coat individual biscuits in melted butter then shake in pudding mixture. Place in bundt pan sprayed w/ cooking oil. Continue with all biscuits are in pan, Bake @ 350 for about 25 minutes. Allow to cool for 10 minutes then invert onto serving plate. Best served warm.
Slow Cooked Mac-n-Cheese (my family demands this at the holidays)
1 Pkg (16oz) elbow macaroni
1/2 cup stick butter, melted
2 eggs, beaten
1 can (12oz) evaporated milk
1 can (10 oz) Campbell's condensed Cheddar Cheese Soup
1 cup milk
$ cups shredded Cheddar cheese, divided
paprika
Cook macaroni according to pkg directions, drain. Place in a 5 quart slow cooker; add butter. In a bowl, combine the eggs, evaporated milk, soup, milk, & 3 cups cheese. Pour over macaroni, stir to combine. Cover & cook on low for 4 hours. Sprinkle w/ remaining cheese & some paprika. Cook 15 minutes longer or until cheese is melted.
*I always top w/ an extra stick of butter, sliced in pats*
Honestly, I could go on for a long long time posting recipe after recipe but it's late & now I'm hungry =)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
30 Posts in 30 Days....Day 19
Day 19 - a talent of yours.
Hmmmmm....I'm not real sure on this one. I don't wanna sound boastful. People tell me I sing well so I suppose that qualifies. I'm also told I write well & that I am an encourager.
I don't often have the self confidence to go out there & say "look at me! I can do_____"
I know there are many things I like to do, I like to cook...wait~scratch that, I LOVE TO COOK. I love having people over & feeding them way too much food. Recently we had people over to celebrate Hopie's dedication & a friend of ours said "Tina you're very hospitable, you always have lots of food & it's nice to be here"
I was floored! I felt so good in that moment & I'm grinning now thinking about it =)
We've had many parties at our home & I like entertaining people. I hope one day to become "Mama"
Ya know? Mama, from the movie Soul Food. Every Sunday her children & their families would come over for fellowship & some good eatin. Now, they were nuts but hey...so's my family!
So, maybe that's my talent. Feeding all my friends & family way too much food & hopefully creating fun memories for all of them =)
Hmmmmm....I'm not real sure on this one. I don't wanna sound boastful. People tell me I sing well so I suppose that qualifies. I'm also told I write well & that I am an encourager.
I don't often have the self confidence to go out there & say "look at me! I can do_____"
I know there are many things I like to do, I like to cook...wait~scratch that, I LOVE TO COOK. I love having people over & feeding them way too much food. Recently we had people over to celebrate Hopie's dedication & a friend of ours said "Tina you're very hospitable, you always have lots of food & it's nice to be here"
I was floored! I felt so good in that moment & I'm grinning now thinking about it =)
We've had many parties at our home & I like entertaining people. I hope one day to become "Mama"
Ya know? Mama, from the movie Soul Food. Every Sunday her children & their families would come over for fellowship & some good eatin. Now, they were nuts but hey...so's my family!
So, maybe that's my talent. Feeding all my friends & family way too much food & hopefully creating fun memories for all of them =)
Monday, October 18, 2010
30 Posts in 30 Days....Day 18
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding.
My wedding...well honestly. It wasn't what I thought it would be. Now, I love Dan & am happy to have married him but I didn't get my dream wedding. Nor did I fully understand the magnitude of my commitment before GOD. I wasn't a believer then so I was marrying Dan with all the right reasons by the worlds standards.
I'm afraid this sounds wrong, like I didn't want to get married. I did & consider it the best decision I've ever made. Dan is the only man on this earth who "gets" me or who will actually put up with me!!
But, we were married in the courthouse & I wore a dress that he liked but honestly I didn't like. We didn't have our own rings either so we used my parents who are now divorced. My sister couldn't make it in time & that made me sad because she's important to me. Plus I was so nervous the judge actually told me to "breathe"
So, I would very much like to have a renewal of vows.
I would like to be able to take the time to tell Dan what he means to me by writing my own vows. I would like to be a testimony to others of God in our marriage during the ceremony. I have LOTS of ideas which I can't write here because some of them are surprises for Dan & he reads this =)
But ultimately for a future wedding I want to invite God to be involved considering He wasn't the first time & I want the opportunity to tell Dan how wonderful he is in front of all our family & friends.
Now, I need to mention some wonderful memories I have of our wedding. My Angie who is now 15 but was 7 at the time was my Maid of Honor (I'm happy smiling right now)
My mommy made my bouquet & it was absolutely beautiful. And last but not least, I mentioned I was very VERY nervous. Well, I can remember as clear as a bell~ Dan....he was just sweetly smiling at me & holding my hands in his, & I thought "wow, he really loves me"
My wedding...well honestly. It wasn't what I thought it would be. Now, I love Dan & am happy to have married him but I didn't get my dream wedding. Nor did I fully understand the magnitude of my commitment before GOD. I wasn't a believer then so I was marrying Dan with all the right reasons by the worlds standards.
I'm afraid this sounds wrong, like I didn't want to get married. I did & consider it the best decision I've ever made. Dan is the only man on this earth who "gets" me or who will actually put up with me!!
But, we were married in the courthouse & I wore a dress that he liked but honestly I didn't like. We didn't have our own rings either so we used my parents who are now divorced. My sister couldn't make it in time & that made me sad because she's important to me. Plus I was so nervous the judge actually told me to "breathe"
So, I would very much like to have a renewal of vows.
I would like to be able to take the time to tell Dan what he means to me by writing my own vows. I would like to be a testimony to others of God in our marriage during the ceremony. I have LOTS of ideas which I can't write here because some of them are surprises for Dan & he reads this =)
But ultimately for a future wedding I want to invite God to be involved considering He wasn't the first time & I want the opportunity to tell Dan how wonderful he is in front of all our family & friends.
Now, I need to mention some wonderful memories I have of our wedding. My Angie who is now 15 but was 7 at the time was my Maid of Honor (I'm happy smiling right now)
My mommy made my bouquet & it was absolutely beautiful. And last but not least, I mentioned I was very VERY nervous. Well, I can remember as clear as a bell~ Dan....he was just sweetly smiling at me & holding my hands in his, & I thought "wow, he really loves me"
Sunday, October 17, 2010
30 Posts in 30 Days....Day 17
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that moves you.
I have been blessed with a beautiful friend by the name of Toni who painted a wonderful piece of work I'd like to share with you. Saying I'm "moved" by this piece of art is an understatement. I've posted about Toni & her art before, you can read about it here.
Again...thank you Toni.
I have been blessed with a beautiful friend by the name of Toni who painted a wonderful piece of work I'd like to share with you. Saying I'm "moved" by this piece of art is an understatement. I've posted about Toni & her art before, you can read about it here.
Again...thank you Toni.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
30 Posts in 30 Days....Day 16
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly).
It took me all of 2 seconds to think of the answer to this.
Biko Mono Ve (Pass Me Not , O Gentle Savior) It Is Well With My Soul by Selah
When I learned of Isaac's death I went immediately back to Hymns. I grew up listening to Hymns & they brought me such comfort in a time of great pain. It was almost like God Himself was singing to me. At some point Dan & I decided we wanted a song played at Isaac's funeral & we chose this one. I borrowed the CD from my mom & felt somewhat prepared. I wanted to be a witness to others like Horatio Spafford, who penned "It Is Well With My Soul" after losing his 4 daughters in a tragic accident.
However, the morning of Isaac's funeral my soul was far from well. I felt if that song was played it would be a lie. My soul was in anguish & was not at peace.
Instead, Dan & I chose "Be Still My Soul" by Selah.
It was more fitting for where we were emotionally that horrible day.
That's another one that makes me cry...of course.
Honestly, this is a very difficult post for me, I added the links to the songs & had to listen to them to make sure they were the right ones. I'm sitting at the computer right now & want to fall in a heap on the floor & just cry.
Oh my babies, how Mama misses you. I ache for you, my arms are lonely without you. One day, we will be together & what a wonderful day that will be.
Until then, I'm incomplete....you hold a piece of my heart.
Your feet never touched the earth but you changed my life forever.
It took me all of 2 seconds to think of the answer to this.
Biko Mono Ve (Pass Me Not , O Gentle Savior) It Is Well With My Soul by Selah
When I learned of Isaac's death I went immediately back to Hymns. I grew up listening to Hymns & they brought me such comfort in a time of great pain. It was almost like God Himself was singing to me. At some point Dan & I decided we wanted a song played at Isaac's funeral & we chose this one. I borrowed the CD from my mom & felt somewhat prepared. I wanted to be a witness to others like Horatio Spafford, who penned "It Is Well With My Soul" after losing his 4 daughters in a tragic accident.
However, the morning of Isaac's funeral my soul was far from well. I felt if that song was played it would be a lie. My soul was in anguish & was not at peace.
Instead, Dan & I chose "Be Still My Soul" by Selah.
It was more fitting for where we were emotionally that horrible day.
That's another one that makes me cry...of course.
Honestly, this is a very difficult post for me, I added the links to the songs & had to listen to them to make sure they were the right ones. I'm sitting at the computer right now & want to fall in a heap on the floor & just cry.
Oh my babies, how Mama misses you. I ache for you, my arms are lonely without you. One day, we will be together & what a wonderful day that will be.
Until then, I'm incomplete....you hold a piece of my heart.
Your feet never touched the earth but you changed my life forever.
Day 15 & My Angel's Candles
Day 15 - what you like about your house.
What do I like??? Hmmmmm......
Well, we've only been here 3 weeks this upcoming Monday so I'm still discovering new things.
I suppose what I like the VERY MOST is we pay almost 500 bux less then the old place! Woo-hoo!
I also love that we have several awesome parks in walking distance, as well as an activity center & library.
And what do I absolutely positively love??
My sister who is my bestest bestie is 5 minutes away!! I mean I can run & get there in 60 seconds! Mind you if I do that my heart will probably explode as I fall over in a heap on her front step but none the less...I can do it if I want to =)
Well....maybe 120 seconds.
On another note, I didn't post yesterday because I was busy getting my home full of boxes somewhat organized for my "Wave Of Light" Remembrance Candle for Isaac & Hannah.
I needed to put some thought into what I wanted to express. This is my first time participating in the Wave of Light because I've always had a hard time with the candle thing. Growing up I would see candles with Saints on them & people would light them & pray about different circumstances. Deep inside me I didn't want God to think I was putting my babies before Him. So I had to work things out in my heart & do this right.
Glorifying Him & Him alone while remembering my children.
So, I set everything up.
Isaac's shadowbox & his bunny, & Hannah's photo & butterfly. I also had rose petals from their funerals. Their were a total of 6 candles, Isaac & Hannah shared the bigger one while their were 5 tea lights. One for my cousins daughter, my friends 3 Angels, & my big brother in Heaven.
Here is a photo of their candles.......
What do I like??? Hmmmmm......
Well, we've only been here 3 weeks this upcoming Monday so I'm still discovering new things.
I suppose what I like the VERY MOST is we pay almost 500 bux less then the old place! Woo-hoo!
I also love that we have several awesome parks in walking distance, as well as an activity center & library.
And what do I absolutely positively love??
My sister who is my bestest bestie is 5 minutes away!! I mean I can run & get there in 60 seconds! Mind you if I do that my heart will probably explode as I fall over in a heap on her front step but none the less...I can do it if I want to =)
Well....maybe 120 seconds.
On another note, I didn't post yesterday because I was busy getting my home full of boxes somewhat organized for my "Wave Of Light" Remembrance Candle for Isaac & Hannah.
I needed to put some thought into what I wanted to express. This is my first time participating in the Wave of Light because I've always had a hard time with the candle thing. Growing up I would see candles with Saints on them & people would light them & pray about different circumstances. Deep inside me I didn't want God to think I was putting my babies before Him. So I had to work things out in my heart & do this right.
Glorifying Him & Him alone while remembering my children.
So, I set everything up.
Isaac's shadowbox & his bunny, & Hannah's photo & butterfly. I also had rose petals from their funerals. Their were a total of 6 candles, Isaac & Hannah shared the bigger one while their were 5 tea lights. One for my cousins daughter, my friends 3 Angels, & my big brother in Heaven.
Here is a photo of their candles.......
After we lit the candles I read from Job 1. I read to my girls of how everything Job owned was destroyed & then while still reeling from that disaster he was told all of his children were dead. He answered this terrible news with "Naked I come from my mother's womb, & naked I will depart. The LORD gave & the LORD has taken away, blessed be the name of the LORD. "
Job 1:21
I explained to them that the Lord is ALWAYS good & worthy of praise..even when circumstances tell us otherwise. We then sang "How Great is Our God" which is the song we sang at Isaac's funeral, that was very hard for me. I've sung that song many times since Isaac's death but last night for a moment I was back in that funeral home & it struck me like lightening.
After our time of praise Dan led us in prayer.
The ceremony was bittersweet & painful at times but overall it was healing for me & God was praised.
Job 1:21
I explained to them that the Lord is ALWAYS good & worthy of praise..even when circumstances tell us otherwise. We then sang "How Great is Our God" which is the song we sang at Isaac's funeral, that was very hard for me. I've sung that song many times since Isaac's death but last night for a moment I was back in that funeral home & it struck me like lightening.
After our time of praise Dan led us in prayer.
The ceremony was bittersweet & painful at times but overall it was healing for me & God was praised.
"You're the name above all names,
you are worthy of all praise
& my heart will sing~How Great Is MY God"
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