Day 2 - a movie that helped you get through the hard times, or one that jumps out at you after your loss.
The day of Isaac's funeral my sister organized an invitation to family & friends to come by our home. I hadn't thought of that but she did & I'm more than grateful. I shudder at the thought of having come home to an empty house. After everyone left Dan & I couldn't sleep so we decided to watch a movie.
We decided on "One Night With The King"
The movie is kind of a blend between fiction & non fiction. It's the story of Esther, how she came to be Queen of Persia. It's also a love story & quite beautiful. The whole movie I was on another planet. A planet where my tummy was still growing with Isaac inside me & life was good. In other words I was using the movie to totally numb my feelings. However, the movie ended & I was stuck in reality. Something that hit me & devastated me was the realization that my son would never fall in love. That he wouldn't experience the sweaty palms & butterflies in the stomach. That I would never see him walk up the aisle or hold his children in my arms.
That night I cried deeply for the first time since I was told my son was gone. I cried so hard I scared Dan. I cried so hard that the neighbors heard.
My heart still hurts at the thought of all those losses. And you couldn't pay me to watch that movie ever again in my lifetime.
I love you my Isaac....
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