This is Valentine's Day of 2008. Dan & I went to a dinner hosted by our church & had a wonderful time. We even won a bag full of goodies. You can't see in this picture but my tummy was pretty big, even for 5 months. I felt beautiful & was excited to be with my handsome man.
This picture makes me sad because it was the last one taken of Dan & I together before we found out on the 22nd that Isaac was gone. It also makes me angry. Quite angry in fact. I feel as I look at this picture that I am looking at a fool. I'm aware that there is no way I could've known my son was dying but it still bothers me very much to see the big smile on my face.
The big oblivious smile.
The fact that my son died & I was completely unaware really upsets me. It's very disturbing in my soul. A mothers job is to protect her child at all cost, & I did not do that. I joyfully conversed, laughed, & ate a good meal as my son's life was slipping away.
Now, I'm aware that I do not know the exact moment my Isaac died nor was there anything I could do.
However~it still makes me angry that I couldn't save him.
(((hugs))) oblivious smile... I feel you there :(
ReplyDeleteFeel free to share the post from my blog - you know what also made me sad that I need to add to the post? There was no mention that they told her they would shoot her if she believed in God and when she said she did they killed her. I mean I know separation of church and state and what not but that is a HUGE part of this girl's story that was completely left out at the school assembly. Oh well - thus is life I suppose. Much love to you! <3